she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
