That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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