1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
