similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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