Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
