um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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