I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
