I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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