you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
