saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
