God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
