So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
