I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
