Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
