Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
