You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
