She's JV to your varsity
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
