THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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