I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
