She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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