"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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