i think my tv is drunk
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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