Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Drake has all the answers
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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