Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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