i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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