Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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