I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
