drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
