he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
