he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
