If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize