I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
