Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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