i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
