Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
