dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
