Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
