ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
