He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
