So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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