Sry I called you an 8
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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