her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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