Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Randomize
