It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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