standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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