We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
