Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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