you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
