Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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