There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
