u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
