so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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