whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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